It's Been a Year (post 37)

One year ago today I was preparing for a life altering surgery in so many ways.  Although I was surrounded by family I felt so alone.  It was an isolating feeling deciding to proactively remove my breasts.  I did the research, I knew the statistics, I had my families support, yet I was alone.  No one could remove this burden, take this decision away or make it for me.  I wasn’t able to find anyone that said here is what you are going to do.  Many People had opinions, and advice.  In the end the desicion to go ahead with the surgery left me feeling alone.

Tonight I am on travel for business, and oddly enough the eve of this day, I sit here all alone.  I am here collecting my thoughts and processing my emotions.  I made it through a terrible year filled with numerous trips to the hospital, office visits, 5 major surgeries, bandages, drains, stitches, medications, and the loss of my breasts.  If you asked me one year ago today where I thought I would be, I would not have been able to express how I feel today.

So much has changed, as I reflect back on that night I remember taking one last look at my old breast with a conflicted mind.  These were my boobs, my natural BRCA2 diseased boobs.  These were the boobs that I cried for in 9th grade, the ones that I carried full of life in my 20's and the same boobs that fed my children.  How could I take them off, they were part of me.  How could I keep them, the same boobs that sustained my children, were the same boobs that would kill me if they stayed.  

Tonight is a milestone.  It marks a year since that moment I stared at myself in the mirror.  I have scars that mark where the old BRCA2 boobs once stood.  While I am here in this hotel room tonight, I am accompanied by my scars.  My scars are a part of me now.  They tell a story of bravery, resilience, and strength.  It is my story but I know that there are women out there everywhere preparing to or fighting the same battle.  Please know that you are not alone!!!

#BreastReconstruction