Will I Feel Normal Again! (Post 23)

Today is week three.  Today I could drive.  I cheated and drove yesterday.  I thought I would feel back to normal.  The truth is I don’t.

I have these new man made boobs and they are under my muscle and they are FIRM but they do not feel like mine.  The scars are a reminder of that.  By now most of the scabs have come off but the scars are still there.  They say they fade in time.  I think by week three I can use scar cream.  I guess I am a little confused by that because if I spend the next 3 months treating the scars to make them fade, won’t they just come back when they exchange the expanders for implants?  Will these scars ever truly fade?

Today on week three I feel better but I have soreness under my rock hard boob shelf.  That is what I am calling the mesh they sewed into my muscle to create a pocket that will eventually hold my implant.  The top of my pocket is actually my skin over top my chest muscle.  Muscle that once lay flat under my fatty breast tissue.  Now my skin and this muscle lie over top expanders that over time will create my new breasts.  My boobs don’t touch anymore.  I don’t believe I will ever again experience uniboob when I wear a sports bra or boob sweat from wearing one.  These new boobs are bionic and solid and firm.  I don’t think these new boobs will ever again move unless I try to flex my biceps, that apparently causes movement.  Will this become my new normal?

Tomorrow I go to the OB oncologist to have a consultation about the next part of my BRCA2 journey.  I will find out tomorrow how and when I will have the rest of my female organs removed.  What will be left after this next part?  I have so many questions.