Today was the worst! Part 1 (post 15)

I did not want to go to the MR guided biopsy. I didn't even want the biopsy. I tried to get out of it but the breast guy said he needed to know if it was cancer because cancer changes everything.

Cancer changes everything. I don't even know if I have cancer and my life has been completely consumed by it. All I have done since I received that positive BRCA2 result is plan my life to get rid of possible cancer. I only have a questionable spot in my right boob because I got an MRI because of the positive BRCA result. Cancer absolutely changes everything!

So today I left my kids with my friend so she could get them to school. I called out of work and gave my obligations to others and I headed to the MR guided biopsy that I didn't even know I needed before the BRCA2 positive result. So there I was at 6:30 AM headed to the hospital for a 9:15 check-in time. Traffic was horrific and I arrived at 9:07. I was called back pretty quickly and met with a Dr. to go over the consent form I was asked to sign. The Dr. and her resident took me into a room, asked me to sit, and then the doctor walked around the desk and sat down as if we were having a meeting. Her purpose was to go over the consent but, I already consented. I realized after the second time she asked if I was ok with the procedure, that she was merely teaching her resident. It wasn't about me. She was modeling for her resident. She asked me again if I was ok and I told her that I didn't really have a choice as I needed the pathology to move onto the next phase in this process. That is when she went into a lecture about how I do have a choice. I asked her if we could just get started. After that I zoned out of her and back into the reasons I was going through all of this, which was my two amazing sons. She asked the question in another way and frustrated I responded that no I wasn't ok with this guy, the resident, looking at my tits, but I guess if it makes him a better doctor then I was ready to get this done. After that she finally led me to the area where I get my IV.

Once I had my IV the MR tech picked me up. I asked her to go over the process for me because I was very freaked out by the idea of having this done. She went step by step into what would happen and promised to be right there with me the entire time. She then led me through the door and into the room. When I turned around there were already 4 people coming into the room. The tech asked if she could get me set up before they all came in. She led me to the MRI table where once again I could see the boob holes. She asked me to position myself with my right boob through the hole. The left side was on panel. I was uncomfortable and I was frustrated and there were tons of voices in the room. I could not see anything but the table. I told them I had another biopsy on the other side and I could not lay like that for long. I asked how long it would take and some voice said an hour, There was a flurry of activity to support my request which included removing the panel and placing both boobs through the holes and resting my breastbone on a hard piece of plastic. It took everything in my being to stay on that table and not just run out of the room. Part of it could have been that I was in such a deep maze of hallways and doors that finding my way to the street would have been a real challenge. The other reason is because somewhere in one of the rooms was my wedding ring and I wasn't leaving that behind.

Back in the room on the painful table the tech grabbed a small padding and placed it between my bare bone and the plastic. She asked if that was better and I said yes. I wasn't getting out of there any sooner by complaining so I sucked it up and said I was fine. This is when they asked my to but my arms above my head which was resting on another hard piece of plastic. Then the told me for the 15th time not to move. Someone on my right side shoved a hard piece of plastic up against my boob into what they called compression. This means the pinched my boob very tightly so they could see exactly where the 7mm spot was. Right after this they said here is the ball. The ball is exactly what they say it is. It's purpose is to signal them in the other room if you have an emergency and need to come out. They don't want you pushing that ball. Don't give me the ball becacuse I am freaked out and if you hurt me I might squeeze rhe ball.