The Breast Guy (post 6)

It was a few days before I could get an appointment with the breast guy. He was out of town and I had to drive nearly an hour to get to him but my doctor assured me that he was the best. His office was beautiful warm, comforting, and calm. The sign on the door had the word cancer in it. All I could see was that word.

So we get to the exam room. Picture it. I am sitting on the table with that ridiculous pink paper gown on, you know the one, it barely covers your navel. Across from me is my husband with direct eye level access to my breasts, from the look on his face, I guess it was the best seat in town. The doctor comes in and introduces himself to me and then my husband. He asks if he can examine me. This seemed pretty normal to me but you should have seen my husbands eyes as the doctor set forth on his task which was, in my husband's mind and on his face, not his territory.

The doctor couldn't feel the lump. I thought, here we go again. He asked me to show him where it was. I did, He asked me to lay back, I did, no lump. He said sit up, I did, lump. We did this a few times all the while my husband at eye level to my hooters was getting a very interesting show. Then the doctor says, well that's weird. He followed this by saying he would like to do a biopsy but I have to be laying down, and laying down is a problem because of the placement of the lump and it's proximity to my lungs, He asked me to get dressed and come next door.

Next door we sat down with the doctor and the scheduler to go over the pre-op procedure. I wanted to scream. Two seconds ago it was a needle biopsy and now it is a full blown surgery with blood work and cardiac clearance and to top it all off, the purchase of a sports bra the opens in the front. Where the hell do you buy a sports bra that opens in the front.

I was fixated on the sports bra. I could not focus on the real situation here. Where would I find a sports bra in less then a week, that opens in the front. I got to the car and called my primary care doctor. The receptionist asked what she could do to help after I told her I needed to talk to the doctor. I gave her a quick run down and she replied, "Can you fax me the orders?". Did I mention I was in the car. So lets break this down, I have a weird lump, I needed a pre-op physical, to see my cardiologist, to get an EKG and an echo, somehow find a sports bra that opened in the front, and somehow fax this order from my car. I just kept thinking about all of the things he listed off that I needed to get done in the next few days before the surgery. I kept thinking I have a job, I leave for a conference in two days, I don't have time for this, and for goodness sake I don't know where to buy a sports bra that closes int he front.

I think she sensed my frustration and shoved me over to the nurse. After that magnificent person calmed me down and told me when to come in to get it all done, she offered to get the order from the breast guy and take care of ordering the blood work. I had to contact the cardiologist and schedule another echo cardiogram but she would take care of the rest.

My husband was sitting in the car right next to me when my head spun around after the receptionist asked me to fax the order. I couldn't see his face through my tears, and frustration. I don't know what he was thinking. I wasn't focused on him. As we drove away and back toward home I said something to my husband that lead him to make the comment that I had something to do with my needing to be sick. In that moment, I needed confirmation that I was having surgery because the doctor said I had to and not because he was placating me. So I called the doctor, on my car that had blue-tooth but not a fax machine. The nurse confirmed with him that I needed the surgery because it was necessary due to my family history. It needed to come out. Thank you to a little device called blue tooth, that message was relayed to me via speakerphone where my husband could hear the answer. I know now where his comment came from but at the time I did not care. That speaker phone confirmation was all I needed and conversation with him in that moment and for the rest of that day ended.